Beautiful Disaster
by Pixietails
Summary: /Shounen-ai\ KyonxItsuki Kyon's POV. Used to strange sights inside the clubroom, Kyon walks in one day to find something unexpected.


**Disclaimer: **I do not assume to own any of the characters within this story. The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi does not belong to me.

**Warnings: **LightMale/Male. Maid fetish. Nothing serious.

**Pairing: **Kyon/Itsuki. Told from Kyon's POV...he's always making those sarcastic little comments.

* * *

Always knock on the clubroom door.

Always.

It was a rule that I created after many embarrassing moments for Asahina-san and me, a much needed rule that should probably be written down in stone somewhere. After some deliberation, I decided there would be very few exceptions to the rule, including, but not limited to: Asahina-san's absence from school, entering the clubroom with Haruhi, or a temporary lapse in sanity. Evidently there _was_ a lapse in sanity (though it's hard to decide just whose sanity was suffering) as I pushed open the SOS Brigade's clubroom door without giving the action further thought, the sight within causing me to stop dead in my tracks on the threshold.

Asahina-san had not been in school that day.

Nagato had gone to the computer room to play—a term used loosely—with the computer club.

Naively, I had thought it safe to enter the clubroom, expecting to find Haruhi and Koizumi looking bored. While true the two had preceded me in entering the room, it was _not _true that they were bored. In fact, Haruhi seemed to be rather enjoying herself, smiling like a little princess that had gotten her long sought-after pony.

What I saw inside the clubroom caused a mix of emotions well up inside of me, caused many feelings that I could not describe, nor place in any distinct category. Actually, it was so bizarre, even for Haruhi (though in retrospect, I probably should have seen this coming), that It took several moments to fully comprehend the scene that was unfolding before my stunned gaze.. I didn't know what to think, other than to label Haruhi's actions as cruel and unusual, a torturous act that should never have even been contemplated, let alone acted upon.

On the floor, amid a sea of clothing, lay Koizumi, the perpetual, foolish smile plastered upon his lightly flushed face. At least, I thought distantly, there was that normalcy. However, things then took a disturbing turn, as my eyes slid down Koizumi's lean body, taking in the black, far too frilly maid dress, an uncomfortable sensation often felt around Asahina-san settling in my stomach. Perched on top of Koizumi's torso sat Haruhi, partially obscured by the ridiculous fluffy skirts. Ignoring my presence, which is something I'm used to while the girl's busy with something stupid, Haruhi continued her laborious chore of pulling a sheer, black thigh-high up one of Koizumi's legs, guiding it to the garter belt she had forced on her newest doll. While I watched, frozen to the spot, I felt my face flush scarlet when it became apparent just how far Haruhi had gone to complete the outfit. With the dress riding so high, the ruffled black underpants Koizumi was wearing were clearly visible.

After what seemed like decades, Haruhi finished up with the nylons and looked up, lips curling into a huge, dangerous grin when she noticed me standing there like an idiot. Somewhere in the back of my mind, alarms began going off, signaling that I was in for something extremely troublesome, but despite the obvious danger I was too stunned to move. This was not right. . . .

Not at all.

"Kyon! About time you showed up! I'll assign your penalty later, but right now I need you to help. What do you think of Koizumi-kun? Cute, right? Do you think I should put makeup on him? Or is that too girly . . . I'm not trying to make him look like a girl."

Makeup?! Are you serious?! Just what are you planning?

"Then what—"

"No makeup, you're right."

"But—"

"Don't you think he'll attract new members? Mikuru-chan was good for the guys, but I think Koizumi-kun can attract lots of girls! You know how popular this kind of thing is. You see it in manga all the time."

Honestly, I'd rather not know what kind of manga this girl is reading.

I frowned, realizing it was futile to attempt to get a word in during Haruhi's rant. Like all of Haruhi's schemes, this one was sure to gain a certain amount of infamy, but in an outfit like that, Koizumi was sure to attract attention from a less desirable crowd. However, the oblivious idiot Koizumi just smiled, seemingly uncaring of his humiliating position.

Come on, don't let her do that to you. Don't you have any pride?

"Oh! Kyon, come here!" Still smiling like the cat that got the canary, Haruhi hopped off of her latest victim and grabbed me by the hand, dragging me down next to Koizumi and guiding my captured hand to one of Koizumi's exposed thighs. "He even shaved! Feel how smooth!"

While Koizumi didn't really seem to mind, my brain temporarily shut down, body going rigid for a brief moment. It was undeniably an odd experience at that time. Touching _anyone's _thigh was not something I would normally do unless we were _very _intimately acquainted, but finding my hand on another boy's was . . . hard to describe. Embarrassing? Yes, definitely. Disgusting? Quite unfortunately not.

What was going on . . .?

Ever since we'd met, I had not been very fond of Koizumi. The other boy was annoying a good part of the time; always way too close, far too cheerful, extremely . . . gay, though I guess that could be overlooked. Unfortunately, I had been unable to deny (after attempting to assert my heterosexuality with scantily-clad pictures of Asahina-san) that Koizumi was very good looking. Though tall, there was a slight feminine quality to Koizumi that I couldn't help but enjoy. Especially in that maid outfit, his smooth skin warm under my hand . . .

When my thoughts settled, the first shreds of common sense returning, I recoiled as though I had been burned, face a brilliant red. I could feel my heart racing frantically as though it were trying to beat its way out of my chest, and honestly I was desperately fighting arousal, something that I should definitely not be feeling. Koizumi was male, I was straight. . . .

. . .Wasn't I?

"Ooh, that'll be a great picture for the site!"

"What?!" I turned to Haruhi quickly, staring at her and her horrible little camera in disbelief. Feeling a rather welcomed stab of irritation, I replied with a raised voice:

"You can't put that on the site!"

Haruhi's smile faded quickly, her expression turning bitter.

"And why not? I'm the chief! If I can't put Mikuru-chan on there, at least I can have this!"

"No! Leave me out of it!"

"I don't mind," Koizumi said with a cheerful smile.

"Of course you don't," I snapped as got up from the floor, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. There was an explanation for the things I was feeling . . . I just hadn't thought of it.

Maybe it was the maid fetish reminding me of Asahina-san? If only . . .

Haruhi chose that time to ignore me in favor of helping Koizumi with the black Mary Janes she had for him, slipping a cat ear headband into his light brown hair when she was finished. Pleased, she then had Koizumi get up so she could take more pictures of him, posing him like some oddly large doll.

"How can you let her do that to you?" I asked, starting to feel a little sorry for Koizumi. He looked ridiculous—

—ly sexy—

Where did that come from?!

I'm not thinking this! Mind elsewhere, Kyon! I am not attracted to men, I am not attracted to men, I am not—

"Whatever makes Suzumiya-san happy is all right with me," Koizumi answered, giving me a meaningful look. I sighed heavily. Keeping Haruhi happy was getting out of hand . . . and really screwing with my psyche.

"I'm using the first photo," Haruhi announced suddenly. She threw a fierce glare at me, assured that her dirty looks would eventually cause me to relent. When I didn't answer, she continued. "I wonder if I should take more with you in them, though? How about Koizumi-kun serving you tea? Then everyone can see the great service we have here!"

Were you possibly dropped on your head as a child?

I replied sarcastically, "Great service, until you're the one stuffed into the maid dress . . . "

Again, Haruhi ignored my comment, quickly directing me to a chair and ordering Koizumi to brew and serve tea. She loved how obedient Koizumi was, the boy never argued with her. He seemed happy enough to comply with Haruhi's outrageous demands, something I fought with every step of the way. How is Haruhi ever going to mellow out if she's simply handed everything she wants?

Though she'd find a way to get what she wanted even if no one complied . . .

Without a word, Koizumi obediently poured a cup of tea, bringing it to me and setting it on the table, Haruhi furiously snapping photographs like some crazed paparazzi. It was obvious that she was absolutely loving the whole thing, but Koizumi was harder to read; was he honestly uncaring or was he humiliated? The guy seemed very carefree and easy-going, but there were few times in which I couldn't help but feel that I had seen a more realistic side to Koizumi Itsuki. And with that knowledge, I had to deduce that Koizumi was not, in fact, happy about this game of dress up.

"Drink it, Kyon!" Haruhi ordered, watching us intently. Reluctantly, I took the cup, raising it to my lips to take a drink. I knew from previous experience that Koizumi made good tea, but I felt awkward drinking it. After several photographs, Haruhi spoke once again.

"Okay, now to really get some attention. Kyon, kiss Koizumi-kun."

Suddenly I couldn't breathe, choking on my tea, gasping for air when the liquid finally went all the way down. Koizumi tried to intervene, but before he could, I was on my feet, outraged at the ludicrous suggestion.

"Are you out of your _mind_?"

Did I really need to ask that?

"Hm? Don't you think it's sexy?" Haruhi asked. I shook my head so fast I felt a little dizzy.

"No, I _don't_! There is no way I'm kissing him . . . "

"Kyon—"

"Suzumiya-san, perhaps—"

"Just one kiss! You act like it's such a big deal!"

Don't you think it's a big deal?! Men don't ordinarily kiss each other!

"Forget it, Haruhi, I'm not kissing Koizumi."

It was like the calm before the storm. The room got suddenly very quiet, Haruhi about to burst with a torrential rain of insults, demands and overall loudness. I thought that maybe running out of the room would be a good idea . . .

Then Koizumi attempted to come to my rescue.

"Suzumiya-san, please. It's starting to get late, don't you think? If you want me to stand at the gates . . . "

Good idea! Wait, no! If you go out there dressed like that, you're going to get us arrested!

"Hmm . . . " Haruhi looked thoughtful, toying with the strap of her camera. "No. We can do that tomorrow. I really want this photograph, now kiss!"

Before I could react, she'd gotten behind me and given me a shove so strong that I plowed right into Koizumi, sending us both sprawling to the ground. Soft brown eyes looked up at me, Koizumi's pretty face slightly pink. We were so close—too close, if you had decided to ask me at that time. I had landed on top of him, but I made no move to get up, staring down at him.

What's this feeling? I don't like it . . . do I?

"What are you waiting for? Kiss him!"

For some reason, I decided to listen to her. Hm, I think maybe it had been _my_ sanity that was suffering that day. At any rate, I leaned down even closer, pausing briefly before capturing Koizumi's lips in a soft, albeit awkward, kiss, oblivious to the camera flashing beside us.

I should have stopped then, but Koizumi hooked an arm around my neck, keeping me there as he kissed me back. Now, I had never done something like this before, so I carried on clumsily, enjoying things despite my lack of experience.

This wasn't bad at all . . .

Acting on instinct, I let one of my hands slide down Koizumi's body, slipping beneath the numerous ruffles and finding the warmth of his skin, a shudder running through me. I couldn't stop myself, I just got lost in the moment. I had no idea how long things had carried on, but finally Haruhi cleared her throat, no longer sounding so amused.

"Kyon, what are you doing?"

I froze, eyes widening slightly as though I just realized what was really going on. Quickly, I pulled back, staring at Koizumi's flushed face.

What the hell just happened? I was kissing him! And god, I liked it!

"Isn't that what you wanted, Haruhi?" I asked unconvincingly. Haruhi stared at me, boring holes through my head, causing me to feel cold and anxious. Finally she smiled, waving the digital camera around.

"Oh, I see! You did even better than I thought! These will be great, thanks!"

She skipped merrily over to our stolen computer, proceeding to upload the scandalous images. Of course, I argued with her until she gave up on her project, the images remaining in the camera and only there. She would keep them for herself, or so she said.

What would she really do with them, I wonder?

Later, after Koizumi had changed back into his uniform, we left the clubroom together, Haruhi sticking behind to lock up. On the way out of the gates, Koizumi moved closer to me, whispering in a soft, almost seductive voice.

"Would you like to come over to my house? There's nobody home . . . I thought you might like to talk about today's events . . . "

Of course I didn't believe him for a minute. Talk? Like hell!

"...Yeah, sure. That sounds good."

Maybe I really am straight, and Koizumi was just an exception. Maybe I had just deluded myself into thinking I was what was socially acceptable.

At any rate, not knocking on the clubroom door that day was probably one of the best things that's happened to me since I met Haruhi.

Since that time, Koizumi and I have done a lot more than talk . . .

Heh. Not like I'm going to go into details, though. But I'll say one more thing.

He really _does _look ridiculously sexy in that maid dress.

Haruhi's probably going to wonder where that went . . .


End file.
